I have been having a bit of a self-care week …
That is self-care in the sense that I have done very little and given myself time to chill
If I was a bit cleverer, I could put my having missed the last week or so of writing down to trying to prove a point – I would then compound that point by linking to my piece on why it is essential to fail sometimes, and claim it was all a self-referential look at not pushing yourself to take on too much.
The truth, sadly, is somewhat more boring. I have, in fact, just been really busy trying to sort holiday stuff, as well as putting off doing my coursework and practising my Icebreaker speech for Toastmasters.
There are still have a number of draft posts sat on my desktop, but none of them really speak to me and the more I force myself to sit and write something, the less inspired I become. So I decided to take a break, and do nothing. It turns out, I am surprisingly good at it.
Last weekend, instead of writing I managed to watch about 5 episodes of Poirot and Marple. I didn’t even get dressed on Sunday until 12 pm. Instead, I just chilled and took time to sit and watch the murder mystery episodes I had recorded back in March.
Sometimes, self-care is not caring about what you should be doing, and taking time to just be. To be honest, it was one of the best Sunday’s I have spent for a long time. It has also made me think more about the whole concept of being unbusy
Busy is a choice
“I have not stopped today! I came home from work, had to go to the shops, had to drop off those dishes to Shelia, then do the ironing, help the kids build a model of the Titanic for school and then, bake a cake for the charity sale in work tomorrow…”
This obviously isn’t me. I don’t bake and I certainly don’t iron, but you get the idea; we’ve all heard people rattle off lists like this. One thing everyone needs to accept is that busy is a choice.
How many of these tasks need to be done? Can the ironing wait? Can the kids not do their own model building? Couldn’t you just have bought a cake while you were at the shops?
The fact is we volunteer to do these things, and then feel obliged to follow through. The world does not end if you choose to take on less. In fact, there is nothing as inefficient looking as a flustered woman running around trying to do 10 things at once. Multitasking is a myth; you do not look like a superwoman if you try to do everything, you just look disorganised and unfocused.
As an aside, Harri won the hat-making competition in school one year, not because her hat was the most attractive, but because it looked like a hat a child would make without any parental input. Let them get on with it.
You are what you prioritise
When you wrote today’s ‘to-do’ list did you include ‘rest’? More than likely it was a list of jobs and you may get an opportunity to have a small rest, if and when you get them all done. Why do we always put ourselves at the bottom of our own ‘to-do’ lists? Where is the self-care?
Make a decision. What is the minimum you HAVE to do in one day? You’ll find many jobs can be delegated, changed or often totally omitted. At the very least, you should spread them over the week to allow yourself more breathing space.
As Joshua Becker points out on his website “busy-ness, at its core, is about misplaced priorities”. If you do not respect yourself and your personal time, then neither will other people. You will find yourself being constantly called upon as you become recognised as someone who will always put others first.
I never thought I would get a chance to do this on my blog, but I find myself in a position to quote Henry V, the greatest of Shakespeare’s plays as far as I’m concerned. Whatsmore, it is so appropriate that I can do it without sounding too wanky and pretentious.
“Self-love, … is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting.” (Act 2 Scene 3 129-130)
The only people who benefit from you not taking time for yourself, are those that don’t care about you taking time for yourself. If you explained to a friend that you just can’t make that event on Friday because you are tired or perhaps just no longer feeling it, they should understand and appreciate that we all sometimes need a rest.
Own Less
I am a bit of an advocate for decluttering; there is a whole menu dropdown devoted to it, as well as lots of posts about why having fewer possessions is a good idea. The less you own, the less you have to look after. That means less to clean, less to tidy,
Once you have less clutter in your house you are able to focus on what is important. This is not just about physical belongings, either. Once you have pared down to what you need you will become attuned at knowing what doesn’t serve you anymore. This can mean people and situations as well as tat lying around the house.
Remember that ‘No’ is a full sentence. You do not have to explain yourself, nor do you have to take on other peoples cast-offs if you don’t want them, in whatever form that may be.
Focus on quality over quantity; more often than not, less is definitely more.
Over to you
Being ‘unbusy’ is not something I can commit to long term, I have too much I want to do over the next couple of years, but it certainly offers food for thought. I certainly intend to be a bit more discerning in what I choose to take on from now on.
What can you stop doing to make your life easier? What can you start saying no to? Any tips for making your day less busy? Let us know in the comments below.